


Scars

by xansayshi



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Adora can scar, Adora’s insecurities make a brief appearance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Guilt, Healing, Lots of Crying, Not really an AU, POV Adora (She-Ra), Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 05, but mostly catra still carries her guilt, thats the only change but I'm adding the tag because someone left a butthurt comment about it, working through trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:19:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29458119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xansayshi/pseuds/xansayshi
Summary: “Catra?” Adora says again, voice low. “What’s wrong?”“It’s nothing, Adora. Don’t worry about it.”“It’s not nothing, Catra. Not if it makes you cry.”—Catra confronts some lingering guilt but luckily Adora is there to comfort her.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 161





	Scars

Adora wakes slowly, the room still dark, the bed still soft and warm. For a moment she can’t quite tell what woke her and she’s content to lay in the stillness of the late night. Or early morning? She decides it doesn’t matter and she relaxes back into the sheets, ready to let sleep take her again. She shifts slightly, readjusting herself and all thoughts of sleep are gone as she feels the arms around her waist tighten slightly and a shaky breath tickles the skin of her neck. 

“Catra?”

The arms around her tensed. She must not have noticed that Adora was awake, which is in and of itself concerning. Catra is usually a light sleeper and while _she claims_ it’s just from the constant vigilance required of her in the Fright Zone, Adora knows that Catra is attuned to her movements from years of watching and wanting. Any other night, she would have known Adora was awake.

“Go back to sleep Adora. It’s still early.” Catra did an admirable job of keeping her voice steady, but Adora has spent too many years watching Catra as well; years of observing her, of _knowing her_ to be fooled. 

Slowly, she moves a hand down to where Catra was still holding her, squeezing her gently before she turns herself around so they were face to face. Catra begins to withdraw her arms, under the guise of giving her more freedom to move around, but Adora doesn’t let her, tugging her hands back around her waist. 

In the low moonlight, Adora can see the shine in her eyes, the wetness on Catra’s face. It breaks Adora‘s heart to see Catra still hurting like this. Following the Heart they both struggled, unable to relax after a lifetime of fighting; uncomfortable and untrusting in this newfound world without immediate danger. They both were plagued by nightmares, especially in those early days when they were afraid that everything would be taken away from them, constantly reliving their worst moments. 

It got easier as they learned to talk to each other again, learned to trust each other again. The demons are easier to banish when you know you aren’t fighting them alone. But clearly, some demons are harder than others to shake. 

“Catra?” Adora says again, voice low. “What’s wrong?” She places a hand on Catra’s cheek, thumb wiping away the remains of her tears. Catra hunches her shoulders, trying to hide, despite the way she leans into the touch. 

“It’s nothing, Adora. Don’t worry about it.”

Adora’s knows it’s not nothing by the way Catra avoids looking at her. It’s not an easy feat considering they’re so close that their noses are almost touching, but Adora can see her eyes flicking about trying to look anywhere but at her. 

“It’s not nothing, Catra. Not if it makes you cry.” Catra’s ears flatten against her head, still ashamed at being caught crying. She’s come a long way, they both have; but vulnerability isn’t an easy thing to master. 

“Tell me?” Adora asks. “Please?” 

It’s the desperate way she says ‘please’ that brings Catra’s eyes up to meet hers. Catra looks at Adora, searching her face before pressing her forehead to Adora’s, eyes closing again. 

“Turn back around.” 

Adora starts to pull back. “Catra, don’t-“ 

“Adora, stop panicking. I will tell you,” Catra says as Adora visibly relaxes. “It’ll just be easier to tell you if I don’t have to look at you while I do it.” 

Adora nods, pressing a soft kiss to Catra’s forehead before rolling over once again. 

Adora waits as Catra shuffles in behind her, pulling her close and pressing her face against her back, taking deep settling breaths. Adora will wait as long as Catra needs to feel comfortable. She is just so grateful to even be here with her and is so proud of how far she’s come after the Horde and Prime and the Heart threatened to tear them apart. 

“I was thinking about your scars.” 

Adora frowns. Her scars? Adora has plenty of scars - from training, from battle, not to mention from pure clumsiness. Why would her scars bother Catra to the point of tears? Adora wishes desperately that she could see Catra’s face but knows that she needs this distance in order to talk it out. 

“I woke up and you were still asleep but laying on your back so I could see your face and I just thought, ‘she’s so beautiful.’” Adora’s breath catches. She knows that Catra loves her, - they’ve talked at length about their feelings - but Catra has never called her beautiful, at least not where she can hear it. Catra’s voice is softer than she’s ever heard it. “Even dead asleep and drooling, Adora, you still manage to be the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and I was just laying here thinking about how amazing you are and how lucky I am to even be here with you” - Adora clenches her jaw to keep from interrupting because they’ve been over this before - it’s not luck, it’s not a fluke — Catra belongs with her and always has, but she knows that if she speaks up now Catra will deflect and the moment will be lost -

“and then you turned away from me and the moonlight was shining and all I could see was your back.” 

Oh _._ _Those scars_. 

“It was like a kick to the heart.” Adora can feel Catra’s breath getting shallower, can feel her trembling against her. “How could I possibly be allowed to be here with you when I GAVE you those scars? When I did that to you? You’re so beautiful and all I wanted to do was destroy you.” 

Adora grips Catra’s arms around her waist, in an attempt to ground them both. She knows that Catra still carries a lot of guilt for the part she played in the War. Adora forgives her, has forgiven her a long time ago, but she also knows that this is something that she can’t fix. It’s still hard to hear. 

Catra lets out a bitter laugh. “I wouldn’t admit it then, but I missed you so much. I just wanted to touch you so badly even if the only way was to hurt you.” Catra buries her face into Adora’s back again, only this time she’s crying again, still hiding her face even though Adora is turned around. 

Adora lets her cry, tears running silently down her own cheeks. It’s a while before either of them speak again. 

“I forget about those scars because I can’t see them. They don’t hurt anymore, but they used to.” Catra sucks in a breath, but Adora keeps going because she has a point, she isn’t just saying this to hurt Catra further. 

“I used to lay in bed, my back aching as they healed, and think ‘ _how could I do this to her?_ ’ Because I had to have done something terrible for you to be so angry with me, so hurt. You lash out when you’re in pain. You’re not cruel just to be cruel Catra, and I knew that so I just kept thinking that you had to be hurting so much and it killed me that I couldn’t help you. I just wanted to help you.” 

Catra is gripping her impossibly tight as if she could forget all of this and squeeze herself right into Adora. 

“I used to wrap my arms around myself to just feel them and I’d think about us, not when we were fighting but about us before all that, growing up together and running around the Fright Zone. I’d think if I couldn’t have you anymore at least I’ll have these scars.” Adora pauses, unsure if she should say this next part. It’ll probably make Catra mad at her, but it might get her out of her head, at least. 

“I’ve never admitted this before but I was glad when they scarred. I thought that She-Ra’s magic would just heal them away but they stayed and I was so happy. I mean, not happy that I got hurt obviously, but I was half convinced we would never be friends again so I was just happy that I would get to carry that piece of you with me.” 

There’s a beat of silence before Catra loosens her grip on Adora’s waist and pulls back just a bit to look over Adora’s shoulder at her. “That is…really kinda fucked up Adora,” she says, incredulous. 

Adora turns around again so she can finally look at Catra properly. 

Adora chuckles humorlessly. “I know it is.” She brings her hands up to cup Catra’s face before pulling her in for a soft, gentle kiss. “And it’s fucked up that you wanted to destroy me.” She kisses her again, to counteract the instinct to flee. “And it’s fucked up that we hurt each other so many times. But we can’t change it. You don’t still want to hurt me but you did. My scars aren’t the last reminder of you I have anymore but they’re still there. My scars don’t hurt me anymore and they don’t have to hurt you either.” 

She strokes Catra’s hair and she leans into the touch. There are tears welling in her eyes again and she knows they are both going to be drained from this in the morning, but she has to keep going. “What is the point of carrying all this pain around? Let it go, Catra. I don’t care about the things we did in the past. It’s over now and I love you. I forgive you, Catra. I forgave you the very next time I saw you simply because it was you.” 

They’re both crying now, Catra gripping her wrists where they’re still cupping her face, ears flat against her head. Adora leans in and kisses her forehead, smoothing out the furrow in her brow from where her eyes are squeezed shut. 

“I’m done hurting you and you’re done hurting me,” Adora whispers through her tears. “I just wish you would stop hurting yourself.” 

Catra breaks then, letting out a pained sob and Adora gathers her to her chest and lets them both cry. Her chest is growing wet with Catra’s tears and Adora is crying into Catra’s hair but it doesn’t matter, she doesn’t care. She’ll hold Catra for as long as she cries. She’ll hold Catra forever if it means it will stop her from hurting. 

Adora knows that tonight won’t be the end of it, for either of them. They’ll still have bad days, and she can only hope that one day they won’t be so bad. The pain and the guilt and the fear will rear its ugly head when they least expect it, but they’ll work through it. As long as they’re together, they’ll work through it. 

They lay there for a long time, Adora rubbing Catra’s back and Catra clinging to Adora in a way that reminds her of those painful days right after they escaped Horde Prime’s ship when they both were desperate for each other but didn’t know how to deal with it. Catra has mostly stopped crying now, and her breathing has evened out. The dim moonlight has been replaced by the low glow of the early morning. 

“I’m sorry, Adora,” Catra says quietly. “I didn’t mean to wake you, or upset you.” Adora silences her gently. “Shhh, don’t be.” Adora thinks that Catra will try to protest, but is pleasantly surprised when she doesn’t. They should really try going back to sleep but Adora has something she wants to know before they do. 

“Hey, Catra?” Adora asks, hesitant. An answering hum vibrates against her chest. “Do you really think I’m beautiful?” 

Catra pulls back so fast that Adora worries that she’s said the wrong thing and that this time Catra really will run. But all she does is stare so intently at Adora that she feels a blush creeping across her face. 

“Do I thin- Adora, are you serious?” Catra asks. “Are you seriously asking if I think you’re beautiful?” 

Adora nods shyly, a little put off by the intensity coming from Catra. 

Catra just rolls her eyes, a smile creeping onto her previously serious face. “Of course I think you’re beautiful, dummy.” She pokes Adora right in the forehead for emphasis, giggling a little. “Adora, I’ve thought you were the most beautiful person I’d ever seen since we were 14.” 

It’s not that Adora didn’t think that Catra thought she was pretty, or whatever; they were in love after all. And it's not that Adora thought she wasn’t attractive, but physical compliments weren’t exactly encouraged in the Horde. But ever since she became She-Ra, with her glowing skin and flowing hair, Adora has seen the way people flock to her. But they flock to She-Ra, not Adora. It wasn’t until earlier when Catra said that she was beautiful did Adora realize how much she wanted to hear Catra say it, how much she needed to hear it. 

This time it's Catra who pulls her in for a kiss. “Of course you’re beautiful,” she whispers against her lips. “You. Are. Gorgeous,” she says, emphasizing each word with another kiss. Adora feels her body heating up and when Catra pulls away she’s breathing hard. She presses her face to Catra’s chest, a reversal of their earlier positioning. 

“Scars and all?”

It’s a low blow, bringing the mood back down just a little especially since they’re both still a bit raw but Adora says it anyway. She wants to make sure Catra knows that they don’t bother her, not anymore.

With her face buried in Catra’s fur, she can’t see her reaction. She’s tired and doesn’t want to see Catra shut her down if she went too far. But Catra just sighs, not in defeat but in acceptance. “Yes, Adora. Scars and all.” 

Adora smiles against her, snuggling in closer. She’s tired and is done talking, satisfied that she has gotten through to Catra, at least for now. Catra must be thinking the same thing because she wraps her arms around Adora as she settles back into the sheets. Adora can feel herself drifting back to sleep, exhaustion pulling her under. The last thing she remembers is a feather-light touch, tracing soothing lines up and down the bare skin of her back. 

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn’t get this out of my head the other night while I couldn’t sleep. It’s my first time writing fic in a number of years (unbeta’ed and only briefly edited) and my first time writing for this fandom so apologies if it’s a little rough! 
> 
> Let me know what you think! Drop a comment or kudos if you liked it!


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